So I've only made it through two classes so far, but I promise it feels like I'm a couple months in already. From waking up at 6AM for baseball conditioning to having to go to class and do homework, it's one of the most time consuming things I've ever done. With that being said, you also have plenty of free time to do whatever you want whenever you want. For the first time, I'm pretty much independent in the choices I make throughout the day. And that's kind of what I'm going to be talking about; all of the different choices about how we spend our time that we have in life and especially in college in my case.
So I was lying in my dorm earlier today and I realized that I was literally not doing anything, literally I was just lying there, not even taking a nap. So I started thinking about what to do with all of my time. I went down a long list, but then I realized something, since I have moved in on Saturday, I have literally not spent any of my time putting effort into my relationship with God. I don't think I've prayed once since Saturday, I haven't picked up my Bible to read any scripture, and I really just put Him on the back burner for the most part, which honestly is really hard to type out and think about honestly. It's like I just completely forgot about everything. Honestly, I think it's because my change in school. That's not me trying to make an excuse either. I know that it is completely my fault, but I just don't have those reminders that I used to like I did when I was at King's Ridge. I probably took the Christian aspect of the school for granted, but I'm just now realizing how instrumental it was in my relationship with the Lord. Being surrounded by God loving people and people outwardly expressing that love makes it a lot easier to remember to keep your relationship going. College on the other hand is completely different. I have no religion classes whatsoever, and honestly I'm just not seeing those "reminders" that I'm accustomed to. With all of the freedom that I talked about earlier, it's very easy to get caught up with the whole "college life" activities, things I probably shouldn't be thinking about, and I'm guessing most of y'all know what I'm talking about. I haven't done anything I regret so far, but I've been put into plenty of positions where something very bad could've resulted. You get so caught up in trying to fit in with all of the new people around and trying to be like them, you forget who you really are and who you really want to be as you continue to grow up. It's very easy to get caught up in the "normal college life" thinking, and for me, that is not a mindset that I want to keep around for very long. For me, I want to be the one on campus that people look at as a person who truly loves God and puts others first, and I know that is something that I am going to have to work on more than anything.
So God, I'm sorry that I haven't been giving You the attention and love that you deserve, but starting now, that is all going to change and I am going to be a better me. I know I am not worthy of your grace, but you sent Your son down for people like me so that we would be worthy. Thank You for everything you blessed me with and give me the wisdom and courage to live my life in a way that brings all glory to You. Everything we say and everything we do is in Your name...Amen.
